Section 5 - Developing Confidence & Emotional Wellbeing in a Toy Breed
Toy breed brains work differently so standard approaches can cause harm and are at best often unsuccessful
Confidence & Resilience vs Independence
Your toy breed isn’t meant to be independent. But for the best quality of life they must develop confidence and resilience.
If you are starting with a toy breed puppy from well tempered parents you can and should work on developing confidence and resilience. But, as expected, not necessarily the way you would for other dogs.
(Developing these traits in older toy breeds with histories of under socialization and/or trauma will be covered later.)
Fostering Confidence
Oxford Languages defines confidence as “the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust.”
When building confidence in a toy breed, it’s important to nurture both their self-confidence and their confidence in you. Remember, these dogs were bred to be companions—not independent workers. By design, they are not naturally inclined to handle situations on their own.
Because of this, advice like “don’t help your dog” or “never pick up your toy breed” is not only outdated but can actually be harmful. That’s not how toy breeds gain confidence. They require more support and reassurance from their person.
A key part of a toy breed’s confidence comes from knowing you are there to back them up. It is absolutely appropriate—and necessary—to help your toy breed when they are scared or struggling.
That said, how you help them makes all the difference.
Learned Helplessness
You may have heard of the term “learned helplessness.” This was once a popular theory suggesting that if an individual repeatedly experiences situations where their actions seem to have no effect, they eventually stop trying altogether—even in new situations where success is possible. The idea was that a sense of helplessness in one area would spill over into other parts of life.
However, recent neuroscience research—brilliantly explained in Imaginable: How to See the Future Coming and Feel Ready for Anything—Even Things That Seem Impossible Today by Jane McGonigal—shows we had it backwards. Helplessness is actually instinctive. What we learn is that we can overcome challenges and hardships. When we succeed in overcoming adversity, that sense of capability can carry over into other areas of life. In other words, we build confidence through experience.
Keeping this in mind, along with the unique emotional needs of toy breeds, we can better understand how to teach our small dogs two crucial lessons:
They are capable of overcoming challenges.
They can always count on us to be there for them.
“Just Right” Support
Many experienced trainers and breeders of non-toy breeds have found that the best way to build long-term confidence is to let the dog face challenges—like navigating a barrier to reach their dinner—independently. The human’s role is to offer moral support by simply being present, without stepping in to help.
But toy breeds are different. Their brains, bodies, and emotional wiring were designed for companionship, not self-reliance. As a result, their support needs are also different.
For toy breeds, the key to fostering a strong, confident relationship is providing “just enough” support—the right balance between stepping in and stepping back.
Think of it like helping a child learn to mount a horse:
As toddlers, we lift them up and set them directly on the horse, often with an experienced rider holding them. They need nearly 100% support at this stage.
As they grow older, we offer a boost—lacing our fingers to form a step to give them a leg up—while they begin using their own strength and balance.
Eventually, they become teenagers who can grab the saddle horn and swing up gracefully, confidently mounting the horse on their own.
If we had simply stood by and waited for them to figure it out alone, they would have been stuck. But if we had always done the entire task for them, they’d never have gained the skills or confidence to do it independently. The secret is always giving just enough support to supplement what they’re ready to do themselves.
This concept of “supplemental support” is especially important for toy breeds. If you’re unsure of exactly how much they can handle, it’s better to err on the side of extra support rather than too little. As long as your dog succeeds with low stress, it’s a win. Every positive, supported experience helps them grow into the most confident and capable version of themselves.
Example of “Just Enough” Support
Shortly after bringing our Shih Tzu, Zaley, home in February, we were playing on a frozen lake. The banks were steep and jagged, with thick brush covering the edges—even in the dead of a Minnesota winter. Zaley wanted badly to join us on the ice but found herself stuck up on the bank.
I started by encouraging her with my voice, but she just cried and barked for help. I moved closer and stood in front of a possible path she could take down, hoping to guide her with my presence. But she remained on the bank, barking and frustrated.
So, I offered a little more help. I reached out with my hand and lured her through a more open path down to the lake. As soon as she made it to us, she was overjoyed.
The next day, we encountered a similar situation. Zaley found herself stuck again. I waited, watching to see if she could figure it out on her own. She tried, but soon began calling for help again. I offered verbal encouragement, but it wasn’t enough. However, this time, when I positioned myself near the safest path down, Zaley noticed and found her way without needing my hand to guide her. She scampered down happily, proud of herself.
She hadn’t suddenly learned “independence,” but she had learned something even more important: how to communicate with me, understand my cues, and trust that I would help her when needed.
By the end of the week, Zaley was confidently navigating even the most challenging parts of the bank. She developed the physical skills, discovered her own capability, and—most importantly—learned that I was a reliable partner who would support her when things got tricky.
Sure, she might have eventually made it down on her own if I had left her to struggle through it. But it would have been a far more stressful and frustrating experience. By giving her just enough support, we not only built her confidence—we also strengthened her trust in me and our ability to communicate and problem-solve together.
Help in Overwhelming Situations
“Just enough” help is the goal in most situations, but there are times when your toy breed will need a complete bailout. If your dog is truly scared or overwhelmed, the right response is simple: pick them up, comfort them, and make them feel safe.
I once overheard a mother tell her 8-year-old daughter, “Don’t help him,” as one of my puppies repeatedly pounced on their overwhelmed Cavalier King Charles Spaniel puppy. That misguided advice is unfortunately common. But whether it’s greeting large dogs on leash, meeting strangers, or interacting with playful peers, toy breeds are designed to need your help in these moments. They’re not going to figure out how to navigate overwhelming social situations—often involving dogs or people many times their size—by being left to fend for themselves.
It’s your job to step in.
Interrupting unbalanced or overly rough play, or scooping up your toy breed when a larger dog or human is looming over them, is not “babying” your dog—it’s fulfilling your role as their trusted protector. Your toy breed needs to know, without a doubt, that they can count on you to intervene when things get to be too much.
Building a Confident Toy Breed: Your Role as Their Partner
Building true confidence in a toy breed isn’t about forcing independence or “toughening them up.” It’s about nurturing a relationship where your dog knows they are capable and that you will be there to support them when they need you. Confidence grows when toy breeds succeed with your guidance, not when they’re left to struggle through overwhelming situations alone. By providing just enough support in challenging moments, and stepping in fully when things are too much, you’re not “spoiling” your dog—you’re teaching them to trust both themselves and you. That trust is the foundation of a confident, happy, and secure toy breed who feels ready to take on the world—because they know their person is always in their corner.